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Soft Center
I went for a job interview the other day which meant wearing the suit and the smart yet torturously uncomfortable shoes. Worse still I got off at the wrong stop and had to walk 45 minutes around to get to the place. Once I was there I was fine, but on the walk back to the station something in my heel burst.
I limped to the train, limped from the train to the bus and limped from the bus to my front doorstep. Once inside I removed the shoe, which someone had once stared at aghast that I was wearing $300 shoes in a scummy London neighborhood (I didn't tell him I'd been given them for free), and slowly peeled away the sock.
My girlfriend came into the room and winced when she saw the raw pink flesh and the look of agony on my face.
"Thats a nasty water blister"
I cursed the shoes and she brought me a large fabric band-aid. Tearing off the strips either side she was about to secure it over the raw blister when she noticed something.
"Wait... what is that?" she said, pointing at a yellowish-white patch exposed by the burst folds of skin. "Is that... oh my God, you've torn right through to the bone!"
We were both icked out until I realised that it couldn't possible be bone. Gritting my teeth I prodded at the exposed smooth patch and discovered...
"Its... cheese"
"What?"
"Its cheese. White cheddar I think..."
We sat there for a while staring at the back of my heel. My head was filled with confusing signals. Had I eaten so much cheese in my lifetime that I was now partially composed of it? Was I maybe some sort of Bladerunner-esque simulacra of a human being only made from pasturised bovine lactations? My God, maybe I could live forever providing I just ingested lots of milk. My girlfriend stood up.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"I'm going to get the crackers and a knife..."
May.10.2007