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Fusion
The day he had been accepted to Caltech had been the happiest day of his life. When he pioneered the field of gravitational lensing and the microscopic fluctuations in the neutrino fluctuations of distant galaxies his father rang him up and congratuilated him, telling him he'd always known that his son would amount to something big. When he discovered the settings necessary in the positronic collider at CERN necessary to create something that nobody else in the world had ever seen he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in physics. But when he was caught buying a reinforced lace girdle with eight garter straps in coral pink in a lingerie store in western Texas he became a global laughing stock.
"White coat, no knickers" ran the headline in What Physicist
"Something the matter?" asked the Daily Bunsen Burner
"Grubby Pervert Ought to Return Peace Prize" demanded the Nonsymetrical Gravitational Theory newsletter
It mattered not however, for despite being exposed to the world he continued with his research, now openly, bringing in sewing patterns for bullet-cup wide band strapless brassieres and devising experiments to discover the perfect tensile strength and girth required of a gusset. All the while his colleagues watched him supiciously as he manipulated the Riemann-Higgs field modulator, looking for the tug of a suspender strap under his trousers.
The only person to stand by him was his girlfriend of six years, who had gone from being the proudest girlfriend in the field of physics to a cocktail party punchline at soirees she no longer attended. She still had an unshakable conviction that he wasn't a frilly woofter who liked to prance in sheer peignoir sets while theorizing. One night, her convictions were proven right.
He entered the house in a flurry of excitement, babbling about the underlying structure of the universe.
"Only 4%, do you realise, do you?"
He was carrying with him a flat white box that he tore into and started rummaging through folds of soft fragrant tissue.
"96% of the universe's composition is completely unaccounted for, and now I've done it, I've created something out of that most elusive of material... I present to you, the world's first set of dark matter lingerie..."
He held up several garments on hangers and his girlfriend knew that they'd just hit the jackpot.
May.14.2007