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Cosmopolitain Jungle
I stayed home sick today and got dilligently to work on making a small cocoon out of mucus-absorbant Kleenex with the occasional sneeze just to keep the furniture from feeling left out. Of course being a 21-century guy in an 18th century body (christ, you should see my teeth!) crippled and riddled with the plague, black death and all these other symptoms women will dismiss as "a man-cold" I still had to log in and deal with all the usual crap I deal with, only at a fresh and exciting new location; my basement.
When my girlfriend got home I asked her how her day had been.
"My day? Let me tell you about my day. First I get on the bus, alone thank you very much and I'm trying to read the free paper and every time I turn the page I hear this huffy sigh from behind me, inches from my ear. I thought it was coincidence at first but I turned two pages in quick succession and got two of these disapproving sniffs.
I glance behind me and there's a bloody tiger leaning forward in his seat trying to read the paper over my shoulder. He keeps making his annoyance known because I guess he can't read the paper as fast as me and I keep turning the pages while he's still mid-article"
Christ, so what did you do?
"Well I gave him the paper of course. But things got even worse when I got to work. You remember I was saying how the security staff where I work are always really anal about you wearing your ID pass somewhere visible? I had it in my bag and this new guy, a hammerhead shark, he waddles up beside me in the hallway and as I'm getting the pass out he gets his snout all up in my face and gives me a really toothy mouthing off about how the security procedures are for our own protection and how I just seem to go out of my way to make life difficult for them and would I please put on the badge before I arrive"
Yeah, but if you do that out in public its like, everyone knows your name and they have you at a disadvantage.
"Exactly. Anyway, he keeps fixing me with one eye then the other, zig-zagging his head in that way they do when they're looking for prey in shallow waters. I felt like a silver tuna being sized up for a feeding frenzy. I wanted to bop him one on the snout right there and teach him a lesson, but instead I put the badge on and apologised. I can't believe I apologised"
Still, you made it home. Its nice to have you home.
"Yeah, but an hour late, and do you know why?"
No, tell me.
"Fucking turtle hatchling migration on the entire Jubilee line, billions of the little fuckers, every platform rammed full of them, all trying to get out to the suburbs"
May.24.2007