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The Golden Hammer
Bernice and I were hunkered down behind the sandbags, watching as the alien prince tore the airstrip to pieces with his dimensional warping powers. The sandbags offered no actual protection as our alpha waves would betray us the second either of us lost focus and stopped thinking Dr Auric Asparagus' cloaking thought sequences but they were a physical presence and immediate comfort to us.
"Christ that thing is unravelling reality around us. Pink potato, green banana, blue strawberry. What are we going to do?" Bernice asked, sweeping her auburn hair out of her firey eyes.
I slapped a fresh magazine into the G36c assault rifle that had conveniently been left nearby in perfect working order, oiled and greased atop a case of 5.56 x 45 NATO ammunition which just happened to be the exact calibre the rifle needed. Had the alien prince gone on his space/time twisting rampage in the 90's I would have expected to find an MP5k, or if it had been the 80's it would probably have been an AR-15. Hollywood had a way of following gun trends that way.
"Shoot it? Yellow beetroot, red artichoke, purple cucumber. Shoot it lots."
Dr Artichoke had developed a mental screen that required us to think of oddly colored fruits and vegetables. Providing we filled our thoughts with images of such incongruous pairings we were safe and could approach the alien prince. At this distance though the focus required was incredible. One slip and it would pounce on us instead of the various jet fighters and ammo dumps it was currently tearing it's way through.
"Typical male reaction! Not everything can be resolved with the application of a bullet. Beige apricot. Just because you can shoot straight you think all the problems of the world can be solved with a gun. Indigo cabbage. You're only going to be happy if this all ends in some massive fireball explosion or nuke mushroom cloud that obliterates that thing. Amber tomato. You'll probably be expecting a kiss or a shag afterwards."
Truth be told I had sort of thought things would go that way. I didn't really know of any other ways to end this.
"What else can you suggest? Cerulean fig"
"Less guns, more brains. Silver lettuce. Stop thinking with your penis substitute; use empathy. Turquoise lemon. It obviously has huge mental capacity and telepathic powers, so lets find common ground and reason with the thing. Lets go for the female approach. Orange orange... oh fuck."
Reason is always overwhelmed by panic and before I could stop her she was up on the sandbags blazing away with the rifle as the alien prince stalked towards us.
Jan. 9.2007