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Devastating Effect
I was minding my own business, walking to work and a van pulled up beside me. Two men in green medical scrubs rushed out and grabbed me, bundling me into the back and onto a gurney. I tried to protest that they'd arrived at the wrong accident, I was just having a bad hair day, but I was given an injection and promptly drooled all down my suit.
When I came to and eventually remembered that my name was not Victor Eugene Crispin and that my favorite color was not in fact Blum I tried to get out of the hospital bed and discovered heavy restraints prevented me from leaving. I tugged at them ineffectively and lay back on the crisp white starched pillow, ignoring the drool puddle. In my mind I ran through the sequence in Terminator 2 where Sarah Connor escapes. I needed a paperclip.
After a few minutes of fruitlessly searching the immediate surrounding mattress and sheet I discovered no errant paperclips or convenient restraint keys or cutting tools. Everything was blunt and fluffy; a bit like me.
"Don't fight it, bru" said a voice from the next bed, the silhouette was obscured by an opaque curtain between us "there's no escape. You're in here until you hurt yourself."
"Don't you mean so that I don't hurt myself?" I replied, but the silhouette shook its head.
"You'll see"
I resumed my search for lock picks; at least it was keeping my mind occupied.
A few hours later, after night had fallen, I had picked the stitching of the mattress and worked part of one of the individually wrapped springs free. Twisting it this way and that I broke off a large enough piece of wire to jab into the lock and twiddle it around a bit pretending I knew what I was doing. In a convenient piece of plotting the lock sprang free and I was able to undo the rest of my restraints. A quick survey of the ward showed that there were maybe twenty beds, all occupied. A glance at each chart confirmed that there was absolutely nothing wrong with any of us though; every last patient was perfectly healthy.
I headed for the exit. The sign above the door said Casualty, but I did a double take and read it again; not Casualty, but Causality. As I stood there trying to work out what a Causality Ward was an orderly and a nurse appeared further down the corridor.
"Stop right there!" barked the nurse and the orderly moved into a tackling stance. "No, we can't risk injuring him" she hissed and the orderly instead brought out a small dose of painkillers and tranqs.
"What's going on here, why am I being held against my will?"
"Now, now, back to bed with you, nice soft safe bed. Give him the pills" she added and the orderly approaching menacingly.
I backed up and slipped, tumbling backwards and landing awkwardly on my arm, promptly snapping the ulna. I screaming in pain and gratefully accepted the proffered pills but the nurse was now even more furious.
"Damn it, he injured himself, despite our best efforts to avoid it. Take him to Casualty."
Dec. 4.2006