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Man/Machine Interface
A few months ago I arrived home and kicked a new doorstop. It beeped at me and immediately tried to eat my shoes.
"Oh, I see you've met the new Roomba" my beloved said as she greeted me. I tried to lean in for a kiss but the giant hockey puck-shaped device had started trying to crack my ankle bones like rotten walnuts. I gave it a firm kick and it whirled around and departed post haste.
Before I could even ask, my sweetheart explained that she'd had enough of vacuuming and invested in an automated system that would periodically scoot out from its docking/recharging station, suck up any dust and hairs in the carpets and then go back to its station to sit and wait.
"We only have to empty it ever weekend or so. Look! It even comes with a remote in case we think it missed a spot. And you set these nifty perimeter devices up so it won't stray off course and fall down the stairs into the basement."
The basement was my domain, with my desktop PC and desk down there. It never needed vacuumed, being the bachelor den that it was.
I agreed to give the Roomba a fair chance only to see it scurry off along the skirting with a comic book I hadn't read yet, snickering to itself with mechanical glee.
Weeks passed and my little pork chop of eternal delight became more and more enamoured with the squat little vacuum cleaner. Her side of the bedroom was spotless, mine had started to develop some sort of fungal growth between the floorboards that wouldn't have appeared naturally. When sat watching the TV the Roomba would zoom in with a cup of tea for her and a crack in the shins for me.
I picked a copy of I, Robot from my bookshelves and checked Asimov's laws of robotics. Sure enough the Roomba was in clear violation of the first law; a robot may not harm a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
I showed it the book but it snorted and wheeled away, splashing hot tea on me, when I told it to come back it violated law two; a robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
I chased after the Roomba and tripped over it in the corridor where it had deliberately stopped. I decided there was nothing for it and broke law three; a robot must protect its own existence, as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law by introducing it to the irresistible force paradox; what happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object?
Answer; it gets shattered into tiny little plastic pieces and broken cogs while bleeping pathetically in surrender. Never forget the first law of humanity; woman creates, man destroys.
Aug.16.2006