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Selling Sanctuary
"Grease?"
"No way"
"Come on, we could put the subtitles on and sing along!"
"Not a fucking chance! Pick something else" I stood my ground
"Gattaca?"
"Only if you want to see me cry" I replied.
"Last Action Hero? You paid money for this?" the Beast looked round at me, his eyes glowing red with disdain and small puffs of smoke sprouting from his flared nostrils. The distaste was tangible across his face and he shuddered perceptibly. The elegant curved horns that adorned the sides of his head knocked a candle from the mantle.
"Oops, sorry, my bad" he said, leaning down to pick the candle up and immediately tore a hole in the wall with the same horn.
"Just leave it, I'll get it. And Last Action Hero was only a fiver. Its got some funny bits in it... Charles Dance especially."
"What, you mean the bit where he says" the Beast suddenly affected a pitch-perfect imitation of Charles Dance's accent "if God were a villain, he'd be me?"
"Yes, now will you hurry up? The popcorn is going cold"
"Oh! Oh! You've got the Romero trilogy! Night, Dawn and Day! We could have a zombie-fest... wait... is this the remake of Night of the Living Dead?" his prancing on the spot stopped and his cloven hooves dug deep into the carpet.
"Yeah, sorry. It's also the remake of Dawn"
"Fuck that. Where are all the good movies? How can you have a thousand DVDs and all of them be shite?"
I didn't fancy exploring the moral and metaphysical implications of revoking my hospitality to Satan so instead I changed tact.
"I'm a sucker for Special Editions. They could bring out Grass Growing in Freshly Painted Rooms and I'd buy it if it had a decent director's commentary and some deleted scenes."
The high lord of filth paused to consider this, scratching at his stubbled chin with one yellow and split talon. In his other hand he held my copy of Shakespeare in Love
"Yeah but what would the commentary be like?" his voice changed to that of Spielberg "and in this scene we tried to highlight the dichotomy of the grass growing only to be cut back down again, personifying nature striving to grow and flourish against man's technology... also if you check the deleted scenes you'll find we did this scene from three different angles because we were getting high on the paint fumes"
Whipping his tail to one side he dropped down onto the couch beside me, causing the popcorn to spill out and over the sides of the bowl into my lap.
"It's this" he held up Dirty Dancing, "or this" at whichpoint he held up You've Got Mail
Damned either way.
"How come you can't watch any of your DVDs?" I enquired.
"I got the best tunes, he got the movie collection"
Jul.13.2005