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Drugstore Cowboy
Within days of arriving I have been exposed to the infection that brought the native population of this great nation to their knees; American Lurgee. Coughing and sniffling, mewling like a lame kitten I arrived at work all the same and when it became obvious to the assembled masses that I was ill I was suddenly bombarded from all sides with drugs.
I think the scariest of all was the vitamin shaped like Barney Rubble that tasted of chalky raspberry but according to the delightful young woman who proffered it this was one of creation's oldest and greatest (at least in a country with only 500 years of history) creations.
My day was incomplete without a trip to the drugstore, or as one of the locals teased "a pop into the chemist's" to which I wittily retorted "ha ha, you fucking septic" which obviously drew a blank look. But for any criticisms I may have about America and its way of life there is something strangely reassuring to know that there is an easy to swallow cure for everything you can imagine here.
Although at what price?
Just as the Joker's evil plan to cause everyone to die with a smile on their face required them to mix the various ingredients together themselves through beauty products, so too do America's drugs combine to cause wicked side effects and abnormal reactions. The warning labels say not to mix and match but the benefits of a potent and judiciously chosen drug cocktail can be an instant cure to every ailment, it just depends whose recipe you trust.
I, of course being a rookie to all of this, have succumbed to the oldest problem since Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue (which would be the beginning of history as we know it if I were to ask around here) and am now addicted to Tylenol and have grown webbing between my fingers. Also, I'm startin' to talk kinda funny with the slow and measured drawl of drug-induced stupor.
Jul.20.2005