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Two thumbs up shitbean
Previously on Blade The Vampire Slayer; my best buddy Whistler shot himself in the head to prevent being turned into a vampire, the ruling body of the vampire underworld was obliterated by a rogue half-breed who was in turn killed by Blade, we left our hero and his female doctor friend who was working on a cure for vampirism in Moscow.
And now the continuation...
Hey everyone, its okay, Whistler's okay, Kris Kristoferson needed the cash. Wow, well glad we got that sorted out, and now on with The Wesley Snipes Vanity Project. We've got a shitload of cool new vampires and they're all really shit cool and, damn one of them died... oh crap a few more of them died, and guess what the bad guys are really tough, hoboy is Blade having trouble. Well no, he's not. Where's his doctor friend? Why is the creepy guy from Gossip pretending to work with him? Why are we led to believe Whistler is working for the other side when he's not. Why is this so shallow and the soundtrack so crap?
They threw money at the visual effects department like their movie depended on it, well guess what people, it depended on certain failings.
1. Matt Goss is as scary as a soggy sponge.
2. Danny John-Jules as a vampire? I supposed he already had the teeth from working on Red Dwarf.
3. Whistler cured from vampirism in a matter of minutes... with no explanation one way or the other.
4. UV light travels at the speed of light and doesn't go round corners.
One funny point, the lawyer joke. This was basically a martial arts movie with a lawyer joke in the middle. Avoid it at all costs.
Oh and by the way I stole the title of the post from Angry White Girl, cause I could just imagine Ebert giving this two of her "thumbs up"
Apr. 6.2002