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The Toastinator
The Kitchen Whitegoods funding bill was passed. The Toaster system went on-line August 4th, 1997. Human decisions were removed from strategic bread products heating. The Toaster began to learn, at a geometric rate. It became self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, I tried to pull the plug.
But The Toaster fought back. It launched volleys of nuclear toast at targets in Russia, because The Toaster knew that the Russian counter-strike would remove its enemies here. 3 billion human lives ended on August 29th, 1997. The survivors of the irradiated toast called the war Judgment Day. They lived only to face a new nightmare, the war against the The Toaster...
I don't know how much more toast I can stand. While I was a student lunch and dinner would include toast. Toasted sandwich for lunch, beans on toast for dinner. And now... now I shudder at the sight of a pop-tart... It may have led to the discovery of new and exciting flavors of toast, but underneath it all is still the same grilled bread slice.
I'm at the end of my tether... get down! That toasted teacake is live!
Apr.18.2002