Welcome to Acerbia; population: π
This is the archive of the many and fabulous adventures of . Like a hard-bitten son of Michael Moorcock's Jerry Cornelius taught to write by William S. Burroughs; continually reincarnated, debated over by intellectuals and literati at cocktail parties the author can't get invited to, the target of scorn and ire from women everywhere, frequently mistaken for a former member of the Warsaw pact, named after the Italian explorer Giuseppe Acerbi, slowly rewriting the Book of Cataclysm, this is postmodern fiction at its most playful and creative.
I'm A Survivor
Ha! Capitalism lives to smirk another day!
Close thing though.
Came into work today amid builders removing chipboard, Niketown graffitied up with purple paint (at least they didn't burn it down, it's a nice building, shame about the occupants). Tottenham Court Road was pillaged by a mob of sixty hardcore anarchists. Bet that gave the six thousand cops something to worry about. Bit of stress-relief probably.
My workmates and I left our office around half two to avoid being locked in for the night and went to the safest nearby place; the pub. Nobody ever looted a pub during an anti-capitalism demonstration. There we sat for a few hours downing pints and watching live footage of what was going on within spitting distance. We even got to watch Critical Mass cycle past en masse. The footage got boring after a while though and could easilly have just been a photo being held up to the camera, so pacified and inert were the demonstrators penned in at Oxford Circus.
Then, after being told that hordes of rioters were heading our way we took extra precautions. We got another round in. And a bag of peanuts in case they turned up hungry.
Eventually leaving the pub however, we ended up at Marble Arch, at the far end of Oxford "Flashpoint" Street and immediately took action. We went into another pub. They practically boarded up the entrance behind us so swish was the pub. Trapped inside we had no choice but to drink more pints and enjoy the food while watching it all live on BBC News 24 as the seething mass of total anarchists displayed their contempt for society by... standing perfectly still surrounded by police in riot gear, still trapped at Oxford Circus. Oh sure there were a few scuffles and break-throughs, but overall the trouble didn't start until the police, under heavy protest, were ordered to let the protesters trickle out and head home.
Trouble was inevitable, however the degree of containment shown meant that the government and police forces proved their point. They could control the situation and did so during a seven-hour standoff, their organisation was stronger and better equiped and only cost the tax payers £3 million in extra wages.
Hold on... 6000 cops, a few hundred horses, petrol money... they brought their own helmets and shields... and this makes £3 million how? I guess capitalism's greatest enemy is capitalism itself.
Reclaim the Streets
Today's turning into a real anti-climax in the city of London. I came into work thinking I'd have to dodge rubber bullets and run through clouds of teargas and protesters like the student riots at the start of Akira. But nooooooooo, instead I cross Oxford Street, boarded up like looking like Chipboard city and walk past pair of uniformed, very bored looking, cops.
I get to the office and there's a new guy standing guard on the other side of the door. There I am, in my usual office get-up, jeans, trainers, sloppy fleece, messy hair, Red Alert 2 t-shirt with the American flag stripes with the Hammer and Sickle instead of the stars I reckonned could get me out of trouble from both sides of the conflict if I got caught in the middle;
"Look Officer, I love America"
"Look Mr Anarchist, I believe that Corporate America has sucked the last hopes of Bolchevism from our daily lives but remains an ideal we hold onto with tenous fingers against the oppressive violence of a fascist culture straight out of Alan Moore's V for Vendetta."
And if that didn't work I'd either boast about my Paris education (to the cops) or swap bomb-making tips with the anarchists (no, no, *three* parts potassium nitrate to *two* parts sugar you spikey-haired knob-nose!)
Now safely in the office I can only imagine something out of Monty Python's Meaning of Life, like the corporate takeover at the start... fending off vegans with my ham sandwich, slashing at anarchists with a post-it pad (hey, those paper-cuts really hurt), throwing tip-ex bottles with lit tissue fuses instead of petrol bombs and using my 'Corporate Summer 2000' frisbie as a Xena Chakram, throwing with expert precision and knocking anarchists and rozzers flying. I was practicing my amazonian princess screeches in the lobby.
To further spoil the fun we've been sent a mail saying we've all to go home before four. Which I suppose means I can go window-shopping this afternoon. Well, I could have if they weren't all boarded up. And if the streets weren't filled with rowdy violent protestors just looking for an excuse to beat someone up.
Seriously, Nike Town, McDonalds and The Gap I can understand them boarding up their windows, they've had global campaigns run against them for years now and are prime targets... but Sock Shop?
"We need to destabalise the global economy!"
"Loot Sock Shop!"
Oh yeah, I bet they're top of Tyler Durden's list in the quest to cancel global debt.
Also, this themeing the day with a Monopoly-style is ludicrous. They'll all be fighting over who gets to use the car. Nobody will want to take the dog cause it's not something big and hard like a Dobberman or Alsatian, it's a little Scottie Dog. People will be lucky to get out of Jail just by paying £50, and although there might be Free Parking all over the City today what good is it when you'll be going back to a burnt-out over-turned car that someone's taken a crap on?
So much for Reclaim the Streets. You're welcome to them. I understand the employees of Nike Town were throwing condoms filled with soapy water on the protestors. Probably the first wash they've had all year.